Surround yourself in walls built with luxuries and pleasures. Lock yourself away from the troubles of today. Do all you can to save yourself from the inevitable.

Unsaid

Apparently some things are better left unsaid. Apparently the best medicine is to cry until the tears finally dry up and there's nothing left inside any more.

I usually don't believe either.

Though I tend to make exceptions from time to time.

Ohgod

Wow, I start university in just three days. Some huge changes are coming up, not quite sure if I'm ready for them or not.

This summer has been quite eventful though and a good one at that.

I need to blog more.

Chuck

One day, we'll get above it all. One day, I'll find a place where im comfortable and finally settle myself in.

I can only hope that - that day comes soon.

Why do you put yourself through the pain of reading these, I write these blogs out of pain. Pain that you've caused. You shouldn't have to read this to realise that though. It should be realised on your own accord.

"Art never comes from happiness" Chuck Palahniuk.

Traffic in my head.

Oncoming traffic is quite riveting, especially running towards it.

Praying that maybe the next driver didn't get quite enough sleep the night before, cause they too are in the same situation as me where they stay awake till the wee hours of the morning so that they hold themselves back from doing something and sleep all day so that they can't do it.

I pray that the next driver may of had a little to much to drink the night beforehand, drowning their sorrows in a high dosage of alcoholic rage.

It makes me feel alive, each split second a car races past me, within mere meters of each other. I pray.

I'm confused and weird.

Doors Open

Here's a short story I wrote a little while ago, thought I'd share it.

There it was, an ignorant car horn followed by an abrupt yell from mum, “Hurry up would you! Don’t want to be late now do you?”

Door opens, I hop in the car, half dressed, pull socks on, put shoes on.

I glance out the window as we speed off; I see my reflection reminding me that I am trapped in this mess. Thoughts rummage through my head. Radio flickers in and out between static.

We continue to travel further, I feel lifeless, empty, almost non-existent.

Tires screech.

Door opens, am greeted by faces, family, friends an abundance of people. All dressed in neutral colours sharing no emotion, very dormant clothes. They persist on being comforting, I push them away, any consolation seems in vain. More people, more faces, more grieving.

Surrounded now, a sense of togetherness; however together for all the wrong reasons. Wind bustles through the nooks and crannies, whispers like a ghost.

Everyone’s silent now, jokes aside, no talking, no conversing, just remembering.

We move towards the entrance now, combined as one. Nature life is booming all around, birds tweeting, trees growing and rain falling.

Door opens, I step inside the empty hall, the walls a dark tinge of grey, empty rows of chairs, these walls are like faces just staring at you waiting for you to crumble within them.

I find a seat in the front row, off center to the left a little, I receive a pamphlet I can almost bare to look at. I glance outside to the birds; still chirping. The hall starts to fill, family front row, friends’ further back. To the left of me sits Uncle Charlie, to the right Mum. I knew I had to be with mum, something just wasn’t sitting right with her.

Distressing music is heard over the speakers as we wait for the hall to fill a little more. I glance around looking for him, still not here. Maybe he didn’t see it in the paper? Maybe he’s running late?

I survey the hall, on the northern wall, there’s ceramic glass, a cross. Down the sides’ sheets of glass, quite a tall building, so much air space, but I feel so confined. On the southern wall - the one we entered from - a large timber door and more glass. It’s as if the hall is a large viewing gallery, a game as such as to who will breakdown first.

I sit here in silence now; this prolonged wait for the service to begin is painful, as if driving a knife into my brain. I sit here in this place of forgiveness and I cannot even look to the heavenly father for guidance, I truly am alone.

The minister struts up the hallway now, how he can be happy at a time like this astounds me, what gives him the right to be happy and this luxury that he indulges in, something I’ve had to live without. He reaches the stand, arrogantly leans against it, reaches for his folder and tears out a piece of paper and commences the service.

His opening words make me shudder, memories clutter in my head, my hairs stand on end. I’m living on his words, each one like a bullet to the body. I sink further and further into my chair. I feel my blood pressure rise, its building within me. I reach boiling point, no longer able to control the emotions. A trickle makes way for a torrent of water... flooding down my face.

The service continues I’ve dried my eyes now; we begin the eulogy everyone recalling their favourite memories, a sense of happiness buzzing around. A few comments actually bring a smile to my face and even a little giggle. Together we recall the good times, the bad and even the ugly, but they all make up for what we are today, all contribute in some way or another.

The minister concludes the service with a quote “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” The inevitable has arisen; it’s time for a final goodbye.

I stand, and begin to approach the fine mahogany coffin fitted with golden handles, covered in beautiful flowers. There was a plate of glass over the head, a viewing panel. I dared not look upon it though curiosity got the better of me, I shifted my body weight forward and lent over the coffin. There he was so stiff, so lifeless; his face bore a faint smile, as though it was seemingly painless. My ears began to ring, a stiff smell fills my nostrils and then is bettered by the fragrance of the lily’s; his favourite flower, and I burst out again.

I bend down, grip the golden handles and lift the coffin along with my other family members, we move as one out of the chapel, carrying death itself on our shoulders. We make it outside and place the coffin in the hearse. I lean forward and stroke the glass panel, “Goodbye Granddad,” I whisper.

Doors Close.

Chances

You never gave us a chance.

Pitch

One day you'll ask me how I am and I'll tell the truth for once.

I'll tell you how I cry myself to sleep every night, how I sit in confinement in a pitch black shower pondering my life. I'll tell you how I miss you more than ever. I'll tell you how I wish things were different.

Or I could just tell you the same white lie.

I'm fine.

Surf

I miss the surf. Got these shots today with Matty Adek, was pretty fun. I wish Cairns had more surf or even a little bit at all. I'm so keen just to hit some waves up right now and forget about life for a few moments.

Compiling

If ever your struggling to compile your thoughts, somehow you just cant pull a sentence from the muddled mess you call your mind.

If ever your stuttering to speak your mind, no matter how un-organised or far fetched your thoughts may be.

Don't listen to your heart, it'll only misguide you.

Stay up late, drink copious amounts of coffee. Think until the thoughts in your mind rearrange into the perfect picture you need them to be. Bloc Party may also aide in the thought rearranging process.

Trust me, I know.

Grey

I feel weird, I need to think about things a lot more. Uncertainty has cast a grey shadow over me and I don't really enjoy this feeling.

Just take me to England, right now. I want to leave the past behind.

Love

I've reacquired my love for writing again. It feels quite amazing. I should be posting a lot more, since enormous amounts of thoughts have been flooding my head lately.

I wish I had some money behind me right now, so I could travel to Europe, England especially. I will soon enough though and it will be quite good.

Sand

Make your way through the sinking sand treading lightly with cautious steps. Meet me somewhere on the horizon where east meets west. I'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting for the day we can sail into eternity together. An eternity of togetherness that's been waited for, that's been dreamed for.

Lone

You don't walk alone any more, I'm here for you. Holding your hand and leading the way. I love you.

Wishing on the same moon

I wish she was here, I wish I could hug her, I wish we could have a conversation, I wish I could look her in the eye and share our lives with each other, I wish she’d never leave, I wish she’d save the left side of the bed for me, I wish I had enough money to visit her, I wish I could tell her all the things she wants to hear, I wish we could watch a movie together, I wish we could listen to each other to the early hours of the morning without needing to catch up on sleep, I wish we could lay under the stars together and watch for shooting stars.

I wish wishes came true.

Miles

I hate the fact that we live miles apart, I hate the fact that I can't hug, hold or kiss you. I hate the fact that I cant just look into your eyes and have a conversation. I hate distance.

"I wish we didn't live 10562 miles apart"
<3

365

My Postsceret book finally arrived today, it is literally amazing and inspiring. I'm so glad that I ordered it.

Going shooting with Vicky tomorrow, should be good fun. Were both going to start a 365 project, hopefully I don't bail on it halfway through.

I have had the urge to write a lot lately, eventually I might bother coining my thoughts together and writing something of decent length.

Till then, you can have these amazingly useful blogs.

Occupying time

Your failing to accept the harsh reality that's right in front of you. You cover your shame up with fake laughs with your only friend in this cold world. Walk alone by yourself, in the woods. You laugh at me, whilst I go about moving on from my past mistakes and regrets. You hang out with older people because their supposedly more mature, when you don't know the first thing about maturity.

You wont even understand this.

Happy New

Happy new years, happy new life, happy new memories, happy new resolutions, happy new challenges, happy new ideas, happy new thoughts, happy new blogs, happy new living.

Happy new Dylan.